Growing up as a kid my parents divorced when I was quite young. My family & I were uprooted from our comfortable life in Upstate New York and moved to NJ. For the most part my mother had a huge support system, which included my uncles, grandmother and aunt and those who eventually became aunts by marriage. Being that it was a struggle for my mother to make ends meet at times, let’s just say we didn’t have gourmet meals, but we managed to make the best of it.

Till this day, there are certain foods that I refuse to eat b/c I was forced to as a kid. These foods were bought mainly because they were cheap and could be purchased in mass quantities way before the explosion of bulk stores like Costco..etc..etc…

So here’s my, “Do Not Eat” list:

 

• Spam- I don’t know how many ways I can say disgusting. Fried spam sandwiches, with Kool-Aid on the side. What really grossed me out was the smell and the gelly film that was always in the can. Can anyone tell me what exactly is spam to begin with?? Does anyone still eat it? From the looks of the website, it looks like its even more popular than ever!
• Corn Beef Hash- This is right up there with Spam. It came in a can and smells like dog food. There were times when I mistakenly fed it to my grandmothers dog, oh well, not by accident, I just wanted to see if he would eat it…and yup, he did. I didn’t realize until I was older that those little white pieces of matter, were supposed to be potatoes. The website states, “Special care is taken in making America’s favorite hash. HORMEL® Hash is a delicate blend of tender chunks of meat with firm Idaho potatoes and select seasonings”. Now, ‘tender chunks of meat’, sounds like dog food to me..and being that they didn’t state what kind of meat, only leads me to wonder….yeah…what kind of meat is actually used??? Is it some poly-meat blend? Because it definitely wasn’t the type of corn beef I was used to.
• Chitlins (or chitterlings)- Ok, here’s a touchy subject for people raised in the south. Some swear by these grotesque pieces of intestines, but hell no, these will not part my lips! The last time I ate pig intestines I was 5 years old. Even when I think about them, I can still smell the putridness of it all. Why in the world would people want to eat some animals shit chute? Beats the hell out of me.
• Bologna- I swear if I ever see another bologna & cheese sandwich it will be the death of me. These were a constant staple in our house. “Mommy, I’m hungry”, “Well go and make a bologna sandwich”….lol! The sight of bologna makes my skin crawl, practically b/c it reminds of me of flesh & skin (but that goes for any type of cold cut..if’ it’s not turkey breast, I will not eat it.) Much like spam, we had lunches filled with fried bologna and lets not forget the Kool-aid, red was my favorite flavor…lol.
• Tang- Not only were we forced to eat some foul foods, we had our share of foul beverages to go along with it. Now, what exactly is Tang? Is it orange juice? I just know it left the nastiest taste in my mouth ever! The most vivid memory I have is one time when I was sick, my mother gave me a tuna sandwich and some tang, let’s just say as I laid in bed with puke all over me, I realized the two didn’t mix.
• Hot Dogs- I think I ate so many of these thing as I kid, I probably could have turned into an Oscar Myer Wiener! To make matters worst, we usually had the store brand hot dogs which were all gritty tasting . Again, fried hot-dogs, hot-dogs & pork-n-beans were staple. You will never ever see a hot-dog in my fridge. I will never eat a hot-dog from Papayas or any nasty hot dog stand on the streets.

Ok, so that rounds up my ‘do not eat’ list. I will never eat any of these foods and I will never make my child eat them either. As a matter of fact, I tried to give him a hot-dog when he was younger, and needless to say, he thought it was the nastiest thing ever & he hasn’t wanted one since.

I’m sure I forgot a few things, so if anything comes to mind later on today, I’ll be sure to update! I didn’t even touch on the several food allergies that I have, that’s a whole ‘nother post . Remember Kevin Arnold’s best friend from the Wonder Years? Well, I think my list is alot longer than his!

As the holiday season is upon us, many companies are starting to have their annual holiday parties. I miss the good old days when I attended parties thrown by huge corporations in NYC, like the Viacom & Time Warner annual parties. Since I’ve been here in Maryland, the parties are a little less of the pomp & circumstance. I do have a few parties that I’ll be attending with friends with their companies but today my office is having our department Potluck luncheon.

As irony would have it potluck rhymes with yuck.

Personally, the thought of eating food that came from certain individuals houses that I work with seriously sickens me. I see how their etiquette is here in the office and I can only imagine what could go on in their kitchens.

Take for example my IT administrator, Doug. Doug is the embodiment of Santa Claus. Physically, he looks JUST like Old Saint Nick, down to the beard & pasty skin. He’s quite an interesting character to say the least. Doug LOVES to bring his homemade goodies into the office. On my first day at work, I was clearly warned NOT to eat Doug’s food and this was without having seen him. One day I happened to run into Doug and I clearly understood why. I didn’t understand why an adult had so many dirty stains and spots on his clothes. His nails were dirty and he smelled like spam. Needless to say, I never and will never eat anything Doug brings to the office.

Then there’s Vera. Vera loves to bake as well. But the difference between Doug and Vera, is that people actually like to eat her food. A few months back, Vera brought in some cupcakes she baked, which are pretty popular in the office. Everyone told me I should try one, so I went ahead and grabbed one and took it back to my office. As I’m eating the cupcake, I noticed a sliver glimmer inside of the chocolate cupcake. I almost puked when I realized it was a piece of dog hair!! See, Vera has a dog, and now from eating a cupcake with yorkie hair in it, I can only assume, he’s allowed to roam the kitchen freely!

When we started planning the potluck, I took the initiative to try to persuade people to take the easy way out and just buy something from the deli or a fast food place and bring it in. After I said that, I felt like a leper. Everyone looked at me as if I were crazy. At that point I knew I had to come up with a diversion plan. I basically appealed to the fact that it is the holiday season and no one should have to do anything unnecessary and time consuming and in the long run they’d benefit from not having the extra hassle.

So, as usual, FunkyBlackChick gets her way.

This years potluck will include foot long subs from Subway, catered meals from Carolina Kitchen, and KFC!

As long the food is not coming from Doug’s or Vera’s kitchen, I’m cool!