For the record, I hate the song “Hi Hater”. I find it to be one of the most annoying songs being played on the radio and I swear 93.9 WKYS plays it every two hours.

But with that said, it never ceases to amaze me how people try to cut other people down, especially in a working/professional environment. I’m the type of person who goes to work (well most people who know me say I’m barely there), I do my job and I basically keep to myself and mind my business. Typically the only people I interact with is my assistant and my boss, I keep other interactions with my coworkers to a cordial ‘hi’ and ‘goodbye’.

In my line of work, I work with projected forecasts and making and/or exceeding those forecasts through out the year. For the past few months, because of health and family issues, being in the office was not a priority for me. Most of the time I telecommuted and worked from home. Certain people in my office felt it was there business to wonder why I wasn’t around much, but that was between my boss & I.

Recently during a staff meeting, which I was absent from, my boss went over our forecast results. In shocking news to my coworkers, but not to me, he informed them that I was the only one to meet the forecast and even exceeded it. My assistant, who was attending the meeting in my absence, could only smile but there was no smiling on my other coworkers faces.

Hi Haters.

After that day, I thought I was working with icebergs instead of humans, because the cold shoulders became even more frigid. What they fail to realize is that it truly strokes my ego even more to receive so much ‘hateration’. My assistant, who is a lot older than me, brought in the “Hi Hater” song, and now often plays it in her office. Like I told people when I started there. I’m there to do two things, do my job and to do it extremely well.

Have you come across “haters” at the workplace? How did you handle them?

Below is a piece Maya Angelou wrote about “haters”.

Hater

Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time, trying to make you look small so they can look tall.

They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters…That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t handle seeing you blessed…It’s dangerous to be like somebody else…

If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what he gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone through to get what they have…

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t know my story… If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We’ve all got some haters among us! People envy you because you can:

Have a relationship with God!
Light up a room when you walk in!
Start your own business!
Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn’t about the right thing)!
Raise your children without both parents being in the home!

Haters can’t stand to see you happy; Haters will never want to see you succeed; Haters never want you to get the victory, most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side?

How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)

2. Having a purpose to your life? Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.

A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live…when it’s your time to leave this earth, you ‘want’ to be able to say, ‘I’ve lived my life and fulfilled ‘my’ dreams,… Now I’m ready to go HOME! When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, ‘Don’t look at me…Look at Who is in charge of me…’

Pass this to all of your family & friends who you know are not hating on you including the person who sent it to you. If you don’t get it back, maybe you called somebody out! Don’t worry about it, it’s not your problem, it’s theirs! Just pray for them, that their life can be as fulfilled as yours!

Watch out for Haters………………..BUT most of all don’t become a HATER!?

‘A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her!

I was faithful to brands such as Aveda, Carols Daughter, Nexxus and a plethora of others until I got tired of spending beaucoup dollars. Now my hair arsenal is drastically cheaper and the results have even been better than any $25 bottle of Aveda conditioner I could have bought. The lesson I learned was that expensive doesn’t always = better.

So here’s a peep into my hair “arsenal” and routine.

Hot Oil Treatment 2xs a month:

• Add three tablespoons of olive and three tablespoons of canola oil to your microwave safe pan.
• Stir thoroughly Place the container in the microwave and heat until warm.
• Once the mixture emerges from the microwave, let it set for a few minutes. Place some of the oily mixture onto your hands (don’t pour directly onto your hair) and start applying it carefully to the hair starting at the ends and working up to the scalp.
• Once the mixture has been applied, wrap your hair in a warm towel and leave on for 30 minutes.
• After 30 minutes, wash the mixture out of your hair and follow up with a mild shampoo

Shampoo & Conditioner:

I said farewell to expensive and overpriced products when I found the Organix line at my local GROCERY store. I am addicted to their Coconut Milk line and I find that it works well with my natural hair. If you can’t find the Organix line at your local grocery or Target, Amazon carries their complete line of hair products!

I only shampoo my hair once a week, but I do condition it on a daily basis with Organix Coconut Milk Leave-In Nourishing Milk.

Styling Products:

Two of my favorite styling products happen to be two of the cheapest I’ve come across in a long time. I am a faithful user of Mixed Chicks Leave-In Conditioner and at only $16.00 a bottle, it is definitely worth it. One thing I love about the product is that a little goes a long way, so a bottle usually lasts me a couple of months.

Another inexpensive buy that I usually purchase in threes is Vigorol Curl Cream, and I only know of one website that sells it. This is perfect for controlling your curls and it doesn’t leave them stiff or dry and it also smells very good! At less than $4.00 a jar, it’s better than any other product that I’ve seen that would cost $20.00+ a jar!

Hair Growth:

I mentioned last week about a hair growth remedy that I use, and a few people must have thought I lost my mind. Yes, I use a generic version of MONISTAT on my scalp because it contains Miconazole Nitrate, which is proven to grow hair. Monistat isn’t the only product that has this ingredient, you can also use any type of anti-fungal cream that you can find at any drugstore.

If you’re still hesitant about putting Monistat on your scalp, there’s always Sulu Hair, which is a product that was made by well known horse grooming manufacturers Shapleys. They were so inundated with orders by women who wanted to use their horse grooming product, The Original M-T-G, on their hair, that they decided to make a product specifically for human hair. Last year I ventured out to use the horse product, but I couldn’t take the smell. Thankfully, Sulu Hair came along. Not only does it not have the horrible bacon-grease smell, but it actually works. After using it for about 3 weeks, I had 2 1/2 inches of new hair growth!

Vitamins:

Two words:  FOLIC ACID, invest in a bottle. It’s the best thing you can do for your hair and nails!

Scalp Moisturizer:

Four words:  Extra Virgin Olive Oil! I stay away from hair grease like it’s the plague! I’ve noticed that a q-tip and some olive oil works best for my hair. Hair grease seemed to drastically dry my scalp, and I haven’t used any type in years.

So there you have it. My hair regimen and arsenal of products!  I am  far from an expert when it comes to hair, but so far those have been the best products/routines that work for me, feel free to share any tips you may have. I always enjoy experimenting with new products, especially the ones that don’t leave my wallet crying!

If someone was to ask any one of my friends what would be the first thing anyone would notice about me, I guarantee you, they would all say my hair and then coming in at a close 2nd place, would be my height. The tall girl, with the big hair. Yup, that’s me.

Growing up my mother had 3 daughters with heads full of curly and what she called ‘unmanageable’ hair. Every week we endured the ritual of having our hair blown out and straightened. There weren’t too many options back then, besides a hot comb and blow dryer.

Rarely would she let us wear our hair natural and curly. If memory serves me correctly, when I was 11 she took me to the hair salon for my first relaxer. I remember crying in the chair when I saw that my curls were gone and I was left with stringy straight hair.

For the next several years, because my mother felt a relaxer was easier to deal with, I had to endure the brutal salon visits that I hated. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the length of my hair at the time, it was practically to my waist but I hated the whole process and the fact that I lost my curls. By the time high school graduation came around, I felt that not only was I free from being at home and under my mother’s watchful eye, I also felt that I was free to do whatever I wanted with my hair.

A few weeks into the summer of my freshman year at Rutgers University, my hair drew attention because of it’s length, and being that it had been years since I had an actual hair cut, besides a normal trim, it was pretty long. I remember the day I had my big chop off. It was about 98 degrees, hot and humid. I walked passed a barber shop and the idea hit me. I walked in and took a seat. The barbers looked at me as if I was lost. When I told them I wanted a hair cut, they pointed me in the direction of the beauty salon that was next door. I declined and told them I wanted my hair shaved off, not cut into a style.

“Have you lost your damn mind? Do you know women would die for your hair???”, is what one of the barbers asked. I could only look at him and laugh. I told him I was serious. Eventually after arguing with me for about 30 minutes, he told me to sit in his chair. I walked into his shop with about 22 inches of straight hair and left out with a short, tapered cut. Yes, it was pretty extreme, but it felt good.

I remember walking into the dining hall that evening and as I approached my usual table of friends, forks literally dropped out of their hands. There were a few “wtf’s”, especially from my boyfriend at the time and his football teammates, my girlfriends thought I lost my mind, needless to say, we practically sat in silence for the meal. It took a few days for people to get used to the hairless me, but it only took me a few seconds.

That first cut happened back in 1994, about 14 years ago. Over the next few years, I went back & forth with the short & long version of my naturally curly hair. Although I’ll never do anything as drastic as a complete cut off, I love my natural hair and I guess it’s become somewhat of my signature piece and always a topic of conversation. Tomorrow I’ll post some of my favorite hair products and hair care regimen!

*Aside*

As I finished writing this, a very very good friend of mine who is a STRONG advocate for a WEAVELESS society sent me this video.

1. Having haters in the workplace is so hilarious! Just b/c I do my job well and I’m barely in the office certain people find it necessary to whisper and gossip. I think my “Hi Haters” post it I left on my office door got a few laughs.

2. SBM, you think women confuse you?? Some of yall men are just ANOMALIES.

3. Went to the post office yesterday and the clerk asked if my hair was a weave…I don’t even get offended any more, especially after she made a point to say she’s jealous b/c she spent $200+ to get a weave similiar to mine…So I left her with some of my hair growth tips and she was quite amazed when I mentioned monistat.

4. I haven’t been watching the Olympics at all, I’m mainly interested in Track & Field so when that starts, it’ll have my undivided attention.

5. If you haven’t purchashed Janelle Monae’s cd, what are you waiting for??? Hopefully, Bad Boy will promote her properly…that’s a big HOPE. You can check out her blog here.

Have a great weekend! Be safe, doing whatever it is that you do! As always, feel free to share your own ‘asides’.

Once I graduated high school there were only a handful of people I kept in contact with. They included my best friend that I’ve had since 8th grade, a friend that would end up being my roommate for my first couple of years at Rutgers University and a mutual friend we both had. Besides that, I figured once I graduated high school, if I didn’t feel the need to keep in touch with you, then au revoir to you.

So last year, I was introduced to Facebook. I really didn’t keep track of the page much, some of my contacts were coworkers, a few people from the DC area and my best friend. I was a little incognito on the page as well. I hated the fact that your last name was displayed on your profile, but eventually I figured out a way around that. I just spelled my first name backyards and used that as my last name, even though it was rejected twice, eventually they accepted it.

A few days ago I signed into my account and there were about 22 friend requests. I scrolled through the names and couldn’t believe that all of them were from high school. At first I was confused how they found me, because I didn’t have any high school information listed on my profile, but then I realized they found me through my best friend’s page.

Out of the 22 people, 19 of them were people who I didn’t associate with in high school.

So why would I want to associate with you now?  Hence, why I hate Facebook.

What’s truly funny, a few of these people emailed me as if we were friends in high school.  I truly didn’t hang out with many of these people because I wasn’t interested. I had a very small circle of friends, and it didn’t include the drama kings/queens who found me on Facebook. I was pretty popular in high school, but I wasn’t like them. They were the crowd who felt they were better than others who didn’t have what they had, i.e, cars & money. Back then, with that group, I was considered an outcast because they saw how well known I was because of my academic and athletic activities, but I still didn’t want to be bothered with them.

So I spent a few minutes yesterday deleting invites and practically shutting down my profile. My status now states, “If I knew you back then and didn’t want to be bothered, what makes you think times have changed?”. Yes, it may sound a little harsh, but such is life.

Have you come across people via Facebook or Myspace from your past that you didn’t care to have any contact with?

Bernie Mac will always be one of the true Kings of Comedy!

“Being bisexual doubles your chances of getting a date on a Saturday night. Anything else is irrelevant.” ~Woody Allen, Actor, Director, Pedophile

This morning, my girl Pele, and I were having one of our usual early morning convos. She had just missed her bus in the Bay area and I was still in the bed as usual. I’m not sure how we got on this certain topic, wait, I do remember. Pele asked if my younger brother was still working in retail management because Bebe was looking for District Managers.

“Uh, Pele, I don’t think any straight guy would want to work there. I’ve only noticed really skinny gay men that like to wear women clothes working at BeBe”, is what I told her.

“You know, you’re right, or they’re bisexual…like this cat, Jose, that I know”, she says.

Here’s some background on Jose.

Pele describes Jose as being this tall, very attractive Puerto Rican guy who is trying to date her. But here’s the issue. Jose is BISEXUAL. Pele knew from the door that Jose had a little ‘extra’ something going on with him because of his mannerisms and attitude, but she didn’t want to just assume it. So of course she asked, and he told.

Now, I’m all for people choosing to participate in whatever lifestyle they choose to, but NO, I could never see myself dating a man who was bisexual, and neither could Pele. I understand how this is a novelty to some men, but I truly don’t know how many women out there would be accepting of a bisexual man.

Insert double standard.

I just can’t imagine being with a man who gets pleasure out of kissing another man (among other things). But everyone knows how much pleasure a man gets out of seeing two women kiss. Why? I don’t know. Maybe someone can explain that one to me.

My grandmother used to tell me bisexual people were greedy and that they want their cake and eat it too. Who knows, maybe the old lady has a point there. I remember having a transgender friend in high school named “Danielle” (Daniel) and I asked him, why would he take the time to dress like a woman, but also want to date men and women. He basically told me he never felt comfortable in ‘boys’ clothes but he also didn’t want to limit himself to just men. P O N D E R O U S. Confused much?

In any event, I will stick to my strictly hetero men, but being that I live in the area with the DL phenonmenon  in full swing, you can never be to sure nowadays. Staying single sounds like a better option every day. I don’t want to have to deal with the “Crying Game”.

So here’s 2 questions:

Women, could you see yourself dating a man who was bisexual?

Men, why is there so much fascination behind bisexual women?

As I’m sitting there trying not to focus on the swarms of mosquitoes that were gnawing at my skin, I felt someone staring at me. Out the corner of my eye, I saw one of the other parents walking towards me. I tried to pretend like I was busy working on something with my laptop, but of course he sat down next to me anyways. He taps me on the shoulder and said he thought my matching laptop and cell phone were ‘cute’ (they’re both CRIMSON). I laughed a little because if he walked all the way over here, I thought he’d have a better pick up line.

THEN IT HIT ME.

The most obnoxious smell, I’ve ever smelled in my whole entire life.

His PUNGENT THROAT SMOKE, just set my NOSTRICITIES on FIRE!

I tried not to gag or dry heave, but I felt it coming on.

He kept on talking and talking and talking and talking. Every sentence was hazardous to my health. I couldn’t believe that this grown ass man was walking around with a mouth that was emitting toxic fumes. I didn’t want to be rude, so I kept the conversation going, all along I was thinking to myself, “Damn, I must have a piece of big red somewhere in my purse”.

Saved by the bell.

My cell phone starts to ring. So I opened my purse to search for it. As I’m looking for my phone, I found my pack of big red! I felt as though I struck gold! I didn’t bother to answer the call, but I did pull out a stick of gum for myself first (you can’t just offer without taking one first), then offered him one.

He shook his head and said, “No thanks”.

What the hell do you mean, “No Thanks, negro??” Is what I had to stop myself from asking. Your breath is on fire, and I’m trying to be polite and not tell you that, so I offer you a stick of gum, and you say NO THANKS?

At that point, I was DOA (dead on arrival). His mouth smelled like he had a midget with shit on his shoes dancing around in his mouth!

I refused to continue the conversation. I packed my belongings and told him that it was nice speaking to him, but I wanted to go and sit in my car, so that I could put on the AC (and get some fresher air).

We shook hands and I went on my merry way.

As I sat in my car, I could still smell his pungent throat smoke. So I put the AC on blast and sprayed some perfume, just to clear my nostricities.

This past year has included a few ups and downs, but I always believe things happen for a reason. Stagnant friendships and horrible relationships came to an end either forcefully or people eventually ‘faded’ out of the picture. But with every dark cloud there’s always a silver lining. I continued to grow and develop healthy friendships with some truly special individuals. Like the old saying goes, “You win some, you loose some”. This birthday was made special early on by two of my friends, Carla & Pele. They went above and beyond their call of duty as true friends in my life and I definitely apprciate them! Turning 32 today, isn’t something that I’m depressed over, honestly, it’s just another day for me. I spent these past couple of days adjusting to my new place and unpacking, so unlike my 30th and 31st birthdays, this one will be spent with a bottle of wine. 

One tradition I do follow for my birthday is a resolution list of sorts. I never believed in making New Year Resolutions, but I do follow the “new year” in a sense of another year of my life that has passed and another year that has begun.  For some reason these ‘resolutions’ seem a little more poignant, than the ones that are made on January 1st and usually broken by January 2nd. Although a few of my resolutions are a bit personal, I will share some of them:

• Continue to lead and not follow
• Strive to live a meatless lifestyle
• No matter how much physical pain I may continue to endure on a daily basis, never let it become an obstacle, but learn to push through it.
• Learn the art of patience when it comes to coworkers and family members who know what buttons to push that may provoke thoughts of my hands around their necks.

So yet another year has passed, more lessons have been learned. So I can’t wait to pop open that bottle of wine later on tonight!

I’m sure on Tuesday I’ll wake up with a hangover from hell, but it’ll all be worth it.