“Being bisexual doubles your chances of getting a date on a Saturday night. Anything else is irrelevant.” ~Woody Allen, Actor, Director, Pedophile

This morning, my girl Pele, and I were having one of our usual early morning convos. She had just missed her bus in the Bay area and I was still in the bed as usual. I’m not sure how we got on this certain topic, wait, I do remember. Pele asked if my younger brother was still working in retail management because Bebe was looking for District Managers.

“Uh, Pele, I don’t think any straight guy would want to work there. I’ve only noticed really skinny gay men that like to wear women clothes working at BeBe”, is what I told her.

“You know, you’re right, or they’re bisexual…like this cat, Jose, that I know”, she says.

Here’s some background on Jose.

Pele describes Jose as being this tall, very attractive Puerto Rican guy who is trying to date her. But here’s the issue. Jose is BISEXUAL. Pele knew from the door that Jose had a little ‘extra’ something going on with him because of his mannerisms and attitude, but she didn’t want to just assume it. So of course she asked, and he told.

Now, I’m all for people choosing to participate in whatever lifestyle they choose to, but NO, I could never see myself dating a man who was bisexual, and neither could Pele. I understand how this is a novelty to some men, but I truly don’t know how many women out there would be accepting of a bisexual man.

Insert double standard.

I just can’t imagine being with a man who gets pleasure out of kissing another man (among other things). But everyone knows how much pleasure a man gets out of seeing two women kiss. Why? I don’t know. Maybe someone can explain that one to me.

My grandmother used to tell me bisexual people were greedy and that they want their cake and eat it too. Who knows, maybe the old lady has a point there. I remember having a transgender friend in high school named “Danielle” (Daniel) and I asked him, why would he take the time to dress like a woman, but also want to date men and women. He basically told me he never felt comfortable in ‘boys’ clothes but he also didn’t want to limit himself to just men. P O N D E R O U S. Confused much?

In any event, I will stick to my strictly hetero men, but being that I live in the area with the DL phenonmenon  in full swing, you can never be to sure nowadays. Staying single sounds like a better option every day. I don’t want to have to deal with the “Crying Game”.

So here’s 2 questions:

Women, could you see yourself dating a man who was bisexual?

Men, why is there so much fascination behind bisexual women?

From my HR/EEO background there are a few things I raise my eyebrow to, and that’s inter-office romances/relationships. To me, it’s a known rule of thumb not to have them and I’ve even worked for corporations/organizations that had policies on them. So when I heard about his reputation, the scarlet letter was immediately thrown on his forehead.

Now, I try to be cordial to everyone in my immediate office and throughout the organization, but on this day in particular my cordialness was tested. Mr. Inter-office Male managed to push all of my wrong buttons within a 20 minute conversation. I don’t know if he thought just because I was a ’sista’ that he could get away with the overt flirting or because of his good looks, but during the hours of 8-2pm (yeah I love my schedule) I am professional at all times, and if by chance there’s an after-hours work function, I still keep a certain amount of professionalism as well.

So he tried to pull a few of my cards and asked a few personal questions in regards to dating, etc..etc…I managed to redirect his attention to the subject matters that were at hand for the most part. That was until the subject matter turned to an issue I noticed about our organizations benefit coverage in regards to breast exams and that we were only covering women over 35 yrs of age.

I’m not sure if he was doing his best impersonation of Pavlov’s dog, but upon hearing the word “BREASTS”, he practically started drooling and looking at mine and decided to be a smart-ass and say, “Well, yeah, you definitely need to get those checked out”.

(insert the WHAT THE FUCK FACE??)

Everyone that was around us went silent. You could hear a pin drop. My assistant gave me a look as to say, “Please, (insert gov’t name), don’t hurt him!”.

Toooo late!

I shot him a look, and basically told him, because other women may find his overt flirting and the fact that he’s just about slept with every woman in the organization or the fact that men have come to the job threatening him b/c he’s slept with their girlfriend/wife some sort of perverse form of attraction, but I don’t and if he wants to keep his job at our organization and still be able to pay his hefty child support payments on time, that he needs to back-off. End of conversation.

Yes, my neck was going. Yes, I had my finger pointed in his face and he’s lucky I didn’t stab him in his foot with my 3 inch stiletto heel. Hopefully I’ve managed to make my point clear with Mr. Inter-Office Male, because I’d hate to have to follow through on my promises to him.

In any event, being an Inter-Office Male is nothing any man should be proud about, especially if other women find out how you really are. Yes, we whisper about you in the ladies room, we laugh when we find out about the major drama behind your office courtships, and we’re smart enough to stay away.

Last night I laid restless in bed for a couple of hours. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned some more. I really wasn’t feeling too well either. My body was warm but I was still freezing. For some reason I couldn’t wind down and became more agitated at the fact that I couldn’t fall asleep, so I decided to get up and go to the bathroom to wash my face and get a drink of water.

While I was sitting in the changing room in my bathroom, I saw a glimmer out of the corner of my eye. I thought maybe that will put me to sleep! I always enjoyed the vibrating motion of one of my favorite electronic devices. The sound alone is soothing, not to mention the sleekness and curves of it when it’s in my hands.

I stood at the sink and in my typical fashion when I’m about to perform my ‘duty’, I propped my leg up on the counter and leaned in so that I can get a good look at the expressions on my face. I grabbed my device and went to turn it on. I played around with the switch a few times, but it wouldn’t make any sounds or movements! I thought to myself, ‘ain’t this a bitch!’.

The batteries died

in

my

favorite

toothbrush!!!

If by chance you’re into other things that vibrate…I do suggest this little doo-hicky (or however you spell it)! It may look like some antique electric toothbrush, but, uh…my friends swear by it!

Let me set up the scenario.

I have a friend and three years ago I introduced him to a female coworker of mine. I wouldn’t say that this particular coworker and I were close friends outside of work, but we did hang out occasionally. Throughout my moving & travelling, I always kept in touch with him over emails & random phone calls, but I lost contact with her, or received a ‘hi’ through him from her.

Yesterday, he happened to catch me online via Instant Messenger, he tells me he has some bad news. I ask him, “OK, well what is it?”.

D: It’s your girl, yo.

Me: What about her?

D: I think I might have to break it off with her?

Me: ?

D: It’s boring in the bedroom.

Me: Well have you told her this?

D: We talk about it all the time and its frustrating?

Me: So what do you mean boring?

D: She doesn’t want to try new things?

Me: Ok, well a lot of women aren’t into anal? Yuck!

D: Yo, I’m not talking about that shit!

Me: Well then, what else is left to try?

D: She doesn’t like BJs!

Me: Whoaaaaaa! Are you serious?

D: We’ve been together for three years, and she’s never done it to me! So I’ve recently stopped going down on her!

Me: Wow…well yall just need to talk about it..and I don’t think this is something you should break up with someone over.

D: She’s a germ-a-phobe! She even makes me take a shower before. No spontaneity at all!

I’m not going to get into the whole convo, but my thing is, how important is a BJ? I told him maybe she’s saving that aspect of sex for marriage or maybe she’s had a bad experience. Also, I asked him if he dealt with it for 3 years, then what’s making it more of an issue now?

So, if you were in this situation….What would you do? Do you leave a relationship because your partner doesn’t partake in Oral sex? Feel free to chime in (that goes for the lurkers as well).

My mind wanders A LOT and when that happens, you never know what I’m bound to do. Earlier this morning I was chatting with Belladonna , and I’m not even sure how, but the subject of strap-ons came up. Considering that I that I prefer my men on the masculine side, I always wondered, what type of man would let a woman use a strap-on, on him?!?!?

I know about stimulating a man’s prostate and such, but that’s usually a delicate topic and you definitely have to know what your partner likes, or if he’ll either enjoy it or will get offended at the mere idea of you even attempting to explore that region.

Strap-ons? That’s a whole’nother ball game! I mean seriously, if you’re not gay or bi, I’m not sure what STRAIGHT man would let a woman take him from the back? So, this was bugging me for quite sometime this morning. So I decided to post on Craigslist an add referencing the fact that here was a woman looking for a man that enjoys strap-ons, being used ON HIM.

I posted the ad at around 9:50 am and by 10:20 am, I think I received about 26 emails and not to mention these men included photos! It freaking amazed me how open or freak-a-fied some people are. I had people emailing from their WORK email, sending photos with them posing with their children, it was crazy! Men telling me how, they’re not gay, but do love it when they’re ‘taken’ by a woman! According to my friend, Judy, it sounds like a great way to emasculate men!Women, if your male partner asked you to wear a strap-on, would you?

Men, in your opinion is that a ‘homo’ thing for a man to do? Or is everything open (pun intended) for discussion?

Here are a few of the emails I received:

I LOVE them

From: xxxxxxx (xxxxxx@gmail.com) You may not know this sender. Mark as safe Mark as unsafe Sent:Tue 9/18/07 9:54 AM

To: pers-425435048@craigslist.org

But haven’t found a woman in DC that’s been willing to indulge me… I’ve had girlfriends in the past that we both really enjoyed it. The first time it came up was was as a “trade” and I discovered I liked it so much that I just wanted her to peg me. The strongest orgasm I’ve ever had in my life was as a woman used a strapon and stroked me at the same time… I’m an attractive white guy- 6′3″, 190, in good shape with brown hair and blue eyes. When / where were you hoping to do this? Are you looking for a one time thing or a (hopefully) ongoing situation?

hello Ma’am

From: xxxxx@aol.com

You may not know this sender. Mark as safe Mark as unsafe Sent:Tue 9/18/07 10:12 AM

To: pers-425435048@craigslist.org

divorced wm 6′2 190 40 athletic educated cultured and love dominant women w/ a strapon

That man, had the nerve to send a photo with a child sitting on his lap!!!!

Do you like strap-ons? - 31 From: **********@******.gov

You may not know this sender. Mark as safe Mark as unsafe Sent:Tue 9/18/07 10:22 AM Reply-to:**************

To: pers-425435048@craigslist.org

Normally I just browse through CL looking and laughing (especially rants and raves) but your post caught my eye and I thought I would answer it. I’m 29 and I live in Arlington. I’m educated (physics and chemistry degrees) and I work for the Government doing analytical “stuff”. I speak several languages and have travelled all over the world for work. I’m outdoorsy and I climb, cave, ski, hike, bike (mtn and road) and kayak. I’m also an emt (it helps since I’m accident prone on my bike). Despite my crazy schedule I love to cook, read, and I do yoga several times a week. Since I’m on a blackberry I don’t have any pictures stored but if you like I can send some tonight. Have a great day! And yes I love being fucked with a strapon. Tied up. Gagged

Remember, ‘men’, don’t forget to breathe!

Strappy Valentines Day!

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