It’s been another long and interesting week to say the least. I’ve been a little sleep deprived but last night I finally got a full nights sleep without waking up 6-8 times throughout the night. As of last week, I stared my “Friday Asides”, so here’s my list for this week:

1. Having haters in the workplace is so hilarious! Just b/c I do my job well and I’m barely in the office certain people find it necessary to whisper and gossip. I think my “Hi Haters” post it I left on my office door got a few laughs.

2. SBM, you think women confuse you?? Some of yall men are just ANOMALIES.

3. Went to the post office yesterday and the clerk asked if my hair was a weave…I don’t even get offended any more, especially after she made a point to say she’s jealous b/c she spent $200+ to get a weave similiar to mine…So I left her with some of my hair growth tips and she was quite amazed when I mentioned monistat.

4. I haven’t been watching the Olympics at all, I’m mainly interested in Track & Field so when that starts, it’ll have my undivided attention.

5. If you haven’t purchashed Janelle Monae’s cd, what are you waiting for??? Hopefully, Bad Boy will promote her properly…that’s a big HOPE. You can check out her blog here.

Have a great weekend! Be safe, doing whatever it is that you do! As always, feel free to share your own ‘asides’.

Isaac Hayes, you will always be a musical genius!

Bernie Mac will always be one of the true Kings of Comedy!

Yesterday marked the first official day of football for my son. Everyday from 6:30-8:30pm these kids are out there sweating and hurting. I was told at the last minute, that my son, because of his weight he’ll have to play with a larger weight class that is mainly 11-12 year old boys. Of course I was nervous when I heard that because although he may look the age of an 11/12 yr old, he’s still only 9 years old. In any event, he toughed it out on his first day and the older kids helped him along.

As I’m sitting there trying not to focus on the swarms of mosquitoes that were gnawing at my skin, I felt someone staring at me. Out the corner of my eye, I saw one of the other parents walking towards me. I tried to pretend like I was busy working on something with my laptop, but of course he sat down next to me anyways. He taps me on the shoulder and said he thought my matching laptop and cell phone were ‘cute’ (they’re both CRIMSON). I laughed a little because if he walked all the way over here, I thought he’d have a better pick up line.

THEN IT HIT ME.

The most obnoxious smell, I’ve ever smelled in my whole entire life.

His PUNGENT THROAT SMOKE, just set my NOSTRICITIES on FIRE!

I tried not to gag or dry heave, but I felt it coming on.

He kept on talking and talking and talking and talking. Every sentence was hazardous to my health. I couldn’t believe that this grown ass man was walking around with a mouth that was emitting toxic fumes. I didn’t want to be rude, so I kept the conversation going, all along I was thinking to myself, “Damn, I must have a piece of big red somewhere in my purse”.

Saved by the bell.

My cell phone starts to ring. So I opened my purse to search for it. As I’m looking for my phone, I found my pack of big red! I felt as though I struck gold! I didn’t bother to answer the call, but I did pull out a stick of gum for myself first (you can’t just offer without taking one first), then offered him one.

He shook his head and said, “No thanks”.

What the hell do you mean, “No Thanks, negro??” Is what I had to stop myself from asking. Your breath is on fire, and I’m trying to be polite and not tell you that, so I offer you a stick of gum, and you say NO THANKS?

At that point, I was DOA (dead on arrival). His mouth smelled like he had a midget with shit on his shoes dancing around in his mouth!

I refused to continue the conversation. I packed my belongings and told him that it was nice speaking to him, but I wanted to go and sit in my car, so that I could put on the AC (and get some fresher air).

We shook hands and I went on my merry way.

As I sat in my car, I could still smell his pungent throat smoke. So I put the AC on blast and sprayed some perfume, just to clear my nostricities.

With gas prices still at $4.00+ in some areas, the last thing  SMART people want to do, is purchase a gas guzzler. But you’ll still have fools like my ex boyfriend who goes out and purchases a 2007 Range Rover and complains about the gas/mileage (he’s an ex for a reason).  So along comes the Smart Car, which is being touted as the most fuel efficient vehicle thus far.

When I first heard about the Smart Car, I thought that it seemed like a great idea, because I assumed it would be CHEAP, i.e, affordable. Uh, that’s where I was wrong. If I’m going to buy a car that is about the size of a front seat,  it NEEDS to come with at least the basics, like a radio and A/C. Well starting at about $11k, you can get yourself a little two seater box but you’ll suffer in the heat b/c you have no AC and you’ll have to listen to yourself talk, b/c a radio is NOT standard.  In my opinion, that’s how the Smart Car becomes a DUMB Car. After paying about $18K (not including taxes/registration..etc..etc.), you can get yourself a fully loaded box, so that’ll put you around $22-23k.

Here’s some more “dumbness” out of the SMART car, according to a recent Forbes Magazine article Daimler Chyrsler was touted as saying that it would be the MOST fuel efficient car in the U.S. WRONG.  But it’s actually lower than the Prius, Civic Hybrid and the Honda Insight. So I guess claiming to be # 1 and coming in at number four isn’t that SMART at all.

I’ve only seen a few of these ‘boxes’ on the streets of DC and Maryland, and oddly enough they’ve all been driven by men. For some reason, seeing a 6′2 guy get out of a car that looks like it was built for the 7 dwarfs is a bit hysterical. My son for some reason thinks these are the new cars for kids, so he’s already put in his request for one. Thankfully, he has another 8 years before he’ll even touch a steering wheel.

I’m sure just like the Prius craze a few years ago, there will eventually be the SMART car craze as well. Thankfully, I don’t know anyone with the last name of “JONE’s”, so they will not receive any competition or money from me.

Redman loves his SMARTcar!

Do you want to know what’s worst than traffic on either 495, BW Parkway or downtown DC?

Mother’efers who can’t navigate through a gas station!!! I mean, not only am I forced to pay $3.99 at the pump, I’m forced to deal with dumb asses who loose all common sense when they realize that the gas station is packed and busy.

After work today I was hot, hungry and exhausted. Even though my work day usually ends by 2:30pm, I still had an afternoon of errands to run and a my truck was running on empty. Now, by my house there are two gas stations a Chevron and a Shell. My last resort is always the Chevron because they’re more expensive than the Shell. The ‘last restort’ usually happens when the Shell is just too crowded and there are cars practically waiting online in the street.

I noticed the lines at the Shell weren’t too bad, so I made my way over to that station. Please people can someone explain to me why people seem to FORGET what side of the car their gas tank is on??? Now, I can understand if it’s a new car, that usually takes some time to get used to, and I also understand if you happen to borrow someone else’s car and you’re not to familiar with it.

What are the chances of either of those being the reason why people can’t navigate through the gas station? Hmm..I’m thinking next to none.

Today, I’m was pretty much not in the mood to deal with nonsense. My attitude, on a scale of 1-10, was at 8 1/2. Did I mention I was hungry, hot & exhausted?  So I pull up behind a white Expedition and there’s a car already in front of him, so I figured when the Expedition finishes pumping his gas, I would have to put my car in reverse so he could leave the station. I waited patiently for him to fill up his gas guzzler. As expected, once he got back into his truck, he put it in reverse to give me the heads up that he was backing out.

Not a problem.

I backed up so he could leave. Pretty simple concept, right? Right.

I pulled up to the 2nd pump, and the other man that was in front of the Expedition was now in front of me. I wasn’t worried about how I would get out of the station because I figured:

A. The man in front of me would be finished soon, or

B. If anyone drove up behind me, the would have the common courtesy to back up as well to let me out.

Another pretty simple concept, right?

Well, the gas station gods were not on my side this hot, humid afternoon.

Of course I finished pumping my gas before the guy in front of me. As I got into my car, I saw a pick-up truck pull up behind me. I looked in the rear view and put my car into reverse. I moved a few inches in reverse so he could notice that I was backing up.

Of course you’d think he would follow suit, and reverse right?

Of course…………..not.

So I moved a few more inches back. No deal. He didn’t move. At this point I was fuming and starting to get even more irritated. The man in front of me hadn’t returned to his car yet. I got out my car and walked toward the pick-up truck and polietly asked him if he could reverse so I could leave. This asshole looked at me as if I was crazy. Ok, I thought to myself, maybe he spoke spanish. So in my best broken spanish, I asked politely again, if he could move so I could get out.

This mother’efer starts to yell at me in ENGLISH. Talking about, he’s not in ANY RUSH.

At this point, my Irish blood starts to boil. My foot starts to tap. I stood there in almost disbelievement. This mother’efer wasn’t going to move.

Why lord, why did this man have to push the wrong buttons today?

Before I could even control my temper. I start yelling at him asking why was he being a fucking asshole? All he has to do is move back. I swear since living in Maryland, I’ve never come across so many dumb asses in my life. Of course he yelled back, but I ignored him, got into my car and rolled the windows up.

FINALLY, the car in front of me pulls off.

Of course, this is when I pull off and forget about the whole exchange, right?

Negative.

I sat there for a good five minutes on a phone call and didn’t budge. But now, all of a sudden the pick-up truck that was behind me, who wasn’t in any rush, was in a rush. I looked at him from my rear view and winked my eye then blew him a kiss.

A few people who saw what was going on started clapping and was in tears from laughter. Today was not the day to mess with me.

Did I mention I was hot, exhausted and hungry?

 Please excuse my regular Friday posting, for a hip-hop interlude. This morning I woke up with a song in my head and I can’t get it out! I haven’t listened to it on my ipod in months, but this morning I had to put it on as soon as I woke up. So without further ado, one of my all time favorite songs!