For the record, I hate the song “Hi Hater”. I find it to be one of the most annoying songs being played on the radio and I swear 93.9 WKYS plays it every two hours.

But with that said, it never ceases to amaze me how people try to cut other people down, especially in a working/professional environment. I’m the type of person who goes to work (well most people who know me say I’m barely there), I do my job and I basically keep to myself and mind my business. Typically the only people I interact with is my assistant and my boss, I keep other interactions with my coworkers to a cordial ‘hi’ and ‘goodbye’.

In my line of work, I work with projected forecasts and making and/or exceeding those forecasts through out the year. For the past few months, because of health and family issues, being in the office was not a priority for me. Most of the time I telecommuted and worked from home. Certain people in my office felt it was there business to wonder why I wasn’t around much, but that was between my boss & I.

Recently during a staff meeting, which I was absent from, my boss went over our forecast results. In shocking news to my coworkers, but not to me, he informed them that I was the only one to meet the forecast and even exceeded it. My assistant, who was attending the meeting in my absence, could only smile but there was no smiling on my other coworkers faces.

Hi Haters.

After that day, I thought I was working with icebergs instead of humans, because the cold shoulders became even more frigid. What they fail to realize is that it truly strokes my ego even more to receive so much ‘hateration’. My assistant, who is a lot older than me, brought in the “Hi Hater” song, and now often plays it in her office. Like I told people when I started there. I’m there to do two things, do my job and to do it extremely well.

Have you come across “haters” at the workplace? How did you handle them?

Below is a piece Maya Angelou wrote about “haters”.

Hater

Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time, trying to make you look small so they can look tall.

They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters…That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t handle seeing you blessed…It’s dangerous to be like somebody else…

If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what he gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone through to get what they have…

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t know my story… If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We’ve all got some haters among us! People envy you because you can:

Have a relationship with God!
Light up a room when you walk in!
Start your own business!
Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn’t about the right thing)!
Raise your children without both parents being in the home!

Haters can’t stand to see you happy; Haters will never want to see you succeed; Haters never want you to get the victory, most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side?

How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)

2. Having a purpose to your life? Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled.

A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.

3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.

Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live…when it’s your time to leave this earth, you ‘want’ to be able to say, ‘I’ve lived my life and fulfilled ‘my’ dreams,… Now I’m ready to go HOME! When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, ‘Don’t look at me…Look at Who is in charge of me…’

Pass this to all of your family & friends who you know are not hating on you including the person who sent it to you. If you don’t get it back, maybe you called somebody out! Don’t worry about it, it’s not your problem, it’s theirs! Just pray for them, that their life can be as fulfilled as yours!

Watch out for Haters………………..BUT most of all don’t become a HATER!?

‘A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her!

Once upon a time I was addicted to expensive hair products. My bathroom looked as though it was straight out of a beauty salon. There was every type of conditioner, gel, mousse, shampoo, hair oil, you could possibly imagine. I also had a hair partner in crime. My friend Michele was about 2 yrs into transitioning to natural hair and we would trade products all the time. We would literally go shopping in each others bathrooms to test out each others products. I didn’t realize how much money I was spending on hair products until I started going though my receipts one day. That’s when I realized there had to be better and cheaper alternatives.

I was faithful to brands such as Aveda, Carols Daughter, Nexxus and a plethora of others until I got tired of spending beaucoup dollars. Now my hair arsenal is drastically cheaper and the results have even been better than any $25 bottle of Aveda conditioner I could have bought. The lesson I learned was that expensive doesn’t always = better.

So here’s a peep into my hair “arsenal” and routine.

Hot Oil Treatment 2xs a month:

• Add three tablespoons of olive and three tablespoons of canola oil to your microwave safe pan.
• Stir thoroughly Place the container in the microwave and heat until warm.
• Once the mixture emerges from the microwave, let it set for a few minutes. Place some of the oily mixture onto your hands (don’t pour directly onto your hair) and start applying it carefully to the hair starting at the ends and working up to the scalp.
• Once the mixture has been applied, wrap your hair in a warm towel and leave on for 30 minutes.
• After 30 minutes, wash the mixture out of your hair and follow up with a mild shampoo

Shampoo & Conditioner:

I said farewell to expensive and overpriced products when I found the Organix line at my local GROCERY store. I am addicted to their Coconut Milk line and I find that it works well with my natural hair. If you can’t find the Organix line at your local grocery or Target, Amazon carries their complete line of hair products!

I only shampoo my hair once a week, but I do condition it on a daily basis with Organix Coconut Milk Leave-In Nourishing Milk.

Styling Products:

Two of my favorite styling products happen to be two of the cheapest I’ve come across in a long time. I am a faithful user of Mixed Chicks Leave-In Conditioner and at only $16.00 a bottle, it is definitely worth it. One thing I love about the product is that a little goes a long way, so a bottle usually lasts me a couple of months.

Another inexpensive buy that I usually purchase in threes is Vigorol Curl Cream, and I only know of one website that sells it. This is perfect for controlling your curls and it doesn’t leave them stiff or dry and it also smells very good! At less than $4.00 a jar, it’s better than any other product that I’ve seen that would cost $20.00+ a jar!

Hair Growth:

I mentioned last week about a hair growth remedy that I use, and a few people must have thought I lost my mind. Yes, I use a generic version of MONISTAT on my scalp because it contains Miconazole Nitrate, which is proven to grow hair. Monistat isn’t the only product that has this ingredient, you can also use any type of anti-fungal cream that you can find at any drugstore.

If you’re still hesitant about putting Monistat on your scalp, there’s always Sulu Hair, which is a product that was made by well known horse grooming manufacturers Shapleys. They were so inundated with orders by women who wanted to use their horse grooming product, The Original M-T-G, on their hair, that they decided to make a product specifically for human hair. Last year I ventured out to use the horse product, but I couldn’t take the smell. Thankfully, Sulu Hair came along. Not only does it not have the horrible bacon-grease smell, but it actually works. After using it for about 3 weeks, I had 2 1/2 inches of new hair growth!

Vitamins:

Two words:  FOLIC ACID, invest in a bottle. It’s the best thing you can do for your hair and nails!

Scalp Moisturizer:

Four words:  Extra Virgin Olive Oil! I stay away from hair grease like it’s the plague! I’ve noticed that a q-tip and some olive oil works best for my hair. Hair grease seemed to drastically dry my scalp, and I haven’t used any type in years.

So there you have it. My hair regimen and arsenal of products!  I am  far from an expert when it comes to hair, but so far those have been the best products/routines that work for me, feel free to share any tips you may have. I always enjoy experimenting with new products, especially the ones that don’t leave my wallet crying!

If someone was to ask any one of my friends what would be the first thing anyone would notice about me, I guarantee you, they would all say my hair and then coming in at a close 2nd place, would be my height. The tall girl, with the big hair. Yup, that’s me.

Growing up my mother had 3 daughters with heads full of curly and what she called ‘unmanageable’ hair. Every week we endured the ritual of having our hair blown out and straightened. There weren’t too many options back then, besides a hot comb and blow dryer.

Rarely would she let us wear our hair natural and curly. If memory serves me correctly, when I was 11 she took me to the hair salon for my first relaxer. I remember crying in the chair when I saw that my curls were gone and I was left with stringy straight hair.

For the next several years, because my mother felt a relaxer was easier to deal with, I had to endure the brutal salon visits that I hated. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the length of my hair at the time, it was practically to my waist but I hated the whole process and the fact that I lost my curls. By the time high school graduation came around, I felt that not only was I free from being at home and under my mother’s watchful eye, I also felt that I was free to do whatever I wanted with my hair.

A few weeks into the summer of my freshman year at Rutgers University, my hair drew attention because of it’s length, and being that it had been years since I had an actual hair cut, besides a normal trim, it was pretty long. I remember the day I had my big chop off. It was about 98 degrees, hot and humid. I walked passed a barber shop and the idea hit me. I walked in and took a seat. The barbers looked at me as if I was lost. When I told them I wanted a hair cut, they pointed me in the direction of the beauty salon that was next door. I declined and told them I wanted my hair shaved off, not cut into a style.

“Have you lost your damn mind? Do you know women would die for your hair???”, is what one of the barbers asked. I could only look at him and laugh. I told him I was serious. Eventually after arguing with me for about 30 minutes, he told me to sit in his chair. I walked into his shop with about 22 inches of straight hair and left out with a short, tapered cut. Yes, it was pretty extreme, but it felt good.

I remember walking into the dining hall that evening and as I approached my usual table of friends, forks literally dropped out of their hands. There were a few “wtf’s”, especially from my boyfriend at the time and his football teammates, my girlfriends thought I lost my mind, needless to say, we practically sat in silence for the meal. It took a few days for people to get used to the hairless me, but it only took me a few seconds.

That first cut happened back in 1994, about 14 years ago. Over the next few years, I went back & forth with the short & long version of my naturally curly hair. Although I’ll never do anything as drastic as a complete cut off, I love my natural hair and I guess it’s become somewhat of my signature piece and always a topic of conversation. Tomorrow I’ll post some of my favorite hair products and hair care regimen!

*Aside*

As I finished writing this, a very very good friend of mine who is a STRONG advocate for a WEAVELESS society sent me this video.

Once I graduated high school there were only a handful of people I kept in contact with. They included my best friend that I’ve had since 8th grade, a friend that would end up being my roommate for my first couple of years at Rutgers University and a mutual friend we both had. Besides that, I figured once I graduated high school, if I didn’t feel the need to keep in touch with you, then au revoir to you.

So last year, I was introduced to Facebook. I really didn’t keep track of the page much, some of my contacts were coworkers, a few people from the DC area and my best friend. I was a little incognito on the page as well. I hated the fact that your last name was displayed on your profile, but eventually I figured out a way around that. I just spelled my first name backyards and used that as my last name, even though it was rejected twice, eventually they accepted it.

A few days ago I signed into my account and there were about 22 friend requests. I scrolled through the names and couldn’t believe that all of them were from high school. At first I was confused how they found me, because I didn’t have any high school information listed on my profile, but then I realized they found me through my best friend’s page.

Out of the 22 people, 19 of them were people who I didn’t associate with in high school.

So why would I want to associate with you now?  Hence, why I hate Facebook.

What’s truly funny, a few of these people emailed me as if we were friends in high school.  I truly didn’t hang out with many of these people because I wasn’t interested. I had a very small circle of friends, and it didn’t include the drama kings/queens who found me on Facebook. I was pretty popular in high school, but I wasn’t like them. They were the crowd who felt they were better than others who didn’t have what they had, i.e, cars & money. Back then, with that group, I was considered an outcast because they saw how well known I was because of my academic and athletic activities, but I still didn’t want to be bothered with them.

So I spent a few minutes yesterday deleting invites and practically shutting down my profile. My status now states, “If I knew you back then and didn’t want to be bothered, what makes you think times have changed?”. Yes, it may sound a little harsh, but such is life.

Have you come across people via Facebook or Myspace from your past that you didn’t care to have any contact with?

I’ve never been one for the usual pomp & circumstance that comes with celebrating a birthday. For my 30th birthday I was practically talked into have a party at a lounge in DC, and needless to say, I’ve learned never to do that again. I would have settled for a nice evening at home with a bottle of wine. The stress of coordinating with friends in and out of state was quite ridiculous. And only then, to have a few ’so-called’ friends who live practically around the corner not to show up, but those 3-4 states away made it into town for the festivities. As I look back on my 31st birthday, all I can say is “I could of had a V-8″. It was the most excrutiating 4 days of my entire life. It was spent with a former S.O (significant other), who came to visit me from NYC. Up until the day of his arrival, I was literally praying that he would call and cancel, but of course, that didn’t happen. I guess it was a good thing that he came to visit, because it made me realize how much we didn’t have in common and how much of my time I had already wasted.

This past year has included a few ups and downs, but I always believe things happen for a reason. Stagnant friendships and horrible relationships came to an end either forcefully or people eventually ‘faded’ out of the picture. But with every dark cloud there’s always a silver lining. I continued to grow and develop healthy friendships with some truly special individuals. Like the old saying goes, “You win some, you loose some”. This birthday was made special early on by two of my friends, Carla & Pele. They went above and beyond their call of duty as true friends in my life and I definitely apprciate them! Turning 32 today, isn’t something that I’m depressed over, honestly, it’s just another day for me. I spent these past couple of days adjusting to my new place and unpacking, so unlike my 30th and 31st birthdays, this one will be spent with a bottle of wine. 

One tradition I do follow for my birthday is a resolution list of sorts. I never believed in making New Year Resolutions, but I do follow the “new year” in a sense of another year of my life that has passed and another year that has begun.  For some reason these ‘resolutions’ seem a little more poignant, than the ones that are made on January 1st and usually broken by January 2nd. Although a few of my resolutions are a bit personal, I will share some of them:

• Continue to lead and not follow
• Strive to live a meatless lifestyle
• No matter how much physical pain I may continue to endure on a daily basis, never let it become an obstacle, but learn to push through it.
• Learn the art of patience when it comes to coworkers and family members who know what buttons to push that may provoke thoughts of my hands around their necks.

So yet another year has passed, more lessons have been learned. So I can’t wait to pop open that bottle of wine later on tonight!

I’m sure on Tuesday I’ll wake up with a hangover from hell, but it’ll all be worth it.

I’m sore and tired. You’d think that I would be so used to the rigamaro of moving since I just did it a year ago.

But of course not.

At 5 a.m. this morning we finally finished our ‘mission’ that started at 12 p.m. on Thursday. I have never been so exhausted in my life. I can’t even relax yet because I still have contractors roaming around trying to put the last finishing touches on my bathroom.

Currently I have no tv or internet until Sunday (besides my trusty Palm), so my son and I have been entertaining ourselves with truth or dare. I’ve learned never to take a dare from a 9 year old unless you want to learn what earwax tastes like.

In any event, I have a nice long weekend of unpacking! Oh joy! I hope everyone enjoys their’s as much as I’ll enjoy mine (insert sarcasm)!

Last night I cried but this time I wasn’t alone. On the other end of the phone was one of the most remarkable women I know, my siSTAR and kindred spirit, Pele .  Currently we’re both dealing with a lot of life changes, relationship, health and career-wise. We’re both usually stoic women when it comes to supporting each other. We don’t sugar coat the advise we give each other nor do we patronize each other and tell the other what we think the other wants to hear. I’d like to think that we’re two pretty strong women.

No matter how strong a person you are, everyone eventually reaches their breaking point. Either the emotional or physical stress will take it’s toll on a person eventually. I think that point was last night for each of us. As usual our conversation started out light hearted. She was on the phone while doing her commute in San Francisco and I was relaxing at home. For the past couple of weeks she’s been the most helpful in providing me with alternative health treatments because her ex husband and I share the same issue. Everyday she calls to see how I’m doing and if I’m making any progress. Today was no different. But I could tell she was going through something herself. So we talked about it.

We were both on emotional roller coaster rides due to past/present relationships. By the end of the conversation we were both in tears. Her fellow commuter offered her a napkin from Jack in the Box and I received a hug from my son. We laughed via text message in between tears because we both know that we took off our Super Woman cape for the night and purged emotionally. What’s unfortunate is that we’re on opposite coasts but we try to put in as much phone time as possible to check on each other. I am so thankful to have her in my life! Love ya, Pele!