No matter how prosperous a man was, if he was unable to rule his women and his children (and especially his women) he was not really a man ~Chinua Achebe, “Things Fall Apart”

These past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind for me. So much going on and very little time. My days seem to fly by and end at the blink of an eye. Currently I’m juggling my full-time career and also running my own company. I’ve tried to spend equal time on both and not to develop a conflict of interest, but that seems pretty hard to do being that both are directly related in some form.

In any event, I will survive.

This week has proven to be a week of trial and tribulations for several of my friends. As I’m about to embark on a monumental event in my life in 2 weeks, seemingly their relationships have fallen apart at the seams. When I think I’ve heard it all, there’s always something else to top it.

Everything from infidelity, mental/verbal abuse, being unsatisfied and countless other issues have plagued some of my favorite friends. I have a friend from high-school & undergrad who was married two years ago, just had a baby last year and tomorrow, while her husband is away on a business trip, she’s simply leaving him a note, that he’ll read when he returns on Sunday. But, she’ll already be back in New Jersey.

I spoke to her briefly over the past couple of days and the anguish and frustration in her voice made me want to break down and cry with her. In all of my years of knowing her, I’ve never could imagine hearing her sound so helpless. The only thing I could muster up to tell her is that she has to be strong and do what she feels is best for her & her daughter. I swear, sometimes I think mental/verbal abuse is far worst than physical abuse. The strong, secure, outspoken, jovial woman I once knew, is now about as meek as a mouse and insecure about herself.

She wasn’t the only one who broke down while I was speaking with them this week. My cousin who is currently going through a separation from her husband also had an episode yesterday. We were having a seemingly humorous conversation and she brought up the fact that during a recent conversation with her husband in regards to working on their ‘friendship’ for the sake of their two kids, that he basically told her, that she’ll never be able to be as good of a friend as his “current” girlfriend, who actually was one of her bridesmaids. So in the middle of ordering at the McDonald’s drive-thru window, she started crying. That was another first. In our adult years together, never once have I heard or seen her cry. She feels as though she’s been beaten down and made to feel worthless. She’s been with him for 13 yrs, they have 2 children together, the youngest is a year old and he actually talked her into having another child which was something she didn’t want to do b/c of certain health issues. During birth, she almost died and was hospitalized for 3 weeks. But still, her husband says, she could never be his friend.

Last night I spoke to my significant other and we talked about my cousin and friend. He heard the trepidation in my voice in regards to their failed relationships and our relationship. He told me that no ones relationship is ever going to be perfect, which I certainly know, but it’s up to the two people involved in it to make it a peaceful and honest relationship and where there is peace & honesty, there won’t be turmoil. Some things will inevitably fall apart, but it’s up to the person, to not let it destroy them in the long run.

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

Yup, the newly accused users of steroids are no longer athletes, but top entertainers. I’m pretty much not surprised that 50 cent or Timbaland were named in this news article. What threw me off was Wyclef, Tyler Perry & Mary J Blige. According to the article, supposedly authorities are saying that the above mentioned haven’t violated any laws, but they are investigating the spas/clinics & doctors that prescribed them.

My coworkers know NOT to share their endearing dog/puppy stories because I just look at them like they’re crazy. One coworker informed me that during her vacation next week, she’s sending her dog to a kennel. The kennel is costing them $35 a day, BUT, she’s paying an extra $10 a day so her dog can have play time with the other dogs & a phone call. A FUCKING PHONE CALL! So is little Max is going to pick up the phone and give her a call? No. She’s going to actually call the kennel and they’ll put the phone to the dog’s ear so she can speak to him. Uh. Ok. Whatever floats your boat. I ask her how is she going to know if she’s speaking to her dog or just some random mutt? Does Max have a distinct voice? She then proceeds to walk out of my office. Guess she went back to ponder that answer.

Just a few minutes ago, I knocked on another co-worker’s door to see how her weekend went. She was pretty quiet and said it sucked. So of course I opened Pandora’s box and asked her why. Well she goes on to tell me that she had to finally put her dog to sleep. She had tears in her eyes and pretty much was heart broken. At that point I really didn’t know what to say.

Me: Vera, I’m so sorry to hear that. Is there anything you need?

Vera: No, I’ll be fine. It’s just hard.

Me: Well, at least you know he’s in a better place.

Vera: Well, I don’t know that…..

Me: (silence) Oh, ok.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t all dogs go to heaven? Or is there a doggy hell? Or is doggy hell, the Chinese take-out restaurant, nevermind, that’s a cat’s hell.

Needless to say, I now know who not to discuss animals with in my office.

Let me set up the scenario.

I have a friend and three years ago I introduced him to a female coworker of mine. I wouldn’t say that this particular coworker and I were close friends outside of work, but we did hang out occasionally. Throughout my moving & travelling, I always kept in touch with him over emails & random phone calls, but I lost contact with her, or received a ‘hi’ through him from her.

Yesterday, he happened to catch me online via Instant Messenger, he tells me he has some bad news. I ask him, “OK, well what is it?”.

D: It’s your girl, yo.

Me: What about her?

D: I think I might have to break it off with her?

Me: ?

D: It’s boring in the bedroom.

Me: Well have you told her this?

D: We talk about it all the time and its frustrating?

Me: So what do you mean boring?

D: She doesn’t want to try new things?

Me: Ok, well a lot of women aren’t into anal? Yuck!

D: Yo, I’m not talking about that shit!

Me: Well then, what else is left to try?

D: She doesn’t like BJs!

Me: Whoaaaaaa! Are you serious?

D: We’ve been together for three years, and she’s never done it to me! So I’ve recently stopped going down on her!

Me: Wow…well yall just need to talk about it..and I don’t think this is something you should break up with someone over.

D: She’s a germ-a-phobe! She even makes me take a shower before. No spontaneity at all!

I’m not going to get into the whole convo, but my thing is, how important is a BJ? I told him maybe she’s saving that aspect of sex for marriage or maybe she’s had a bad experience. Also, I asked him if he dealt with it for 3 years, then what’s making it more of an issue now?

So, if you were in this situation….What would you do? Do you leave a relationship because your partner doesn’t partake in Oral sex? Feel free to chime in (that goes for the lurkers as well).

I’ve suffered from the Helen Keller syndrome several times in my life and I’m sure that I’ll go through it again, so I definitely know how it feels. In my case I always had that friend who would bring me back to reality (Judy M., I’m sure you’re reading this). Sometimes those the closest to you can always offer the most candid, no holds barred advice, but some women choose not to listen.

Women, some of you need to take the blindfolds off, stop pretending to be blind to what’s going on around you. Take the ear plugs out, if people are giving you advice, listen to it, it may be beneficial to you. If someone is telling you your man may be cheating, don’t just assume they’re ‘hating’ on your relationship or that they want what you have, maybe he is just a dog and they’re trying to look out for your best interests. If someone tells you that your attitude sucks, well don’t assume that they’re ‘hating’ on you, maybe you do have a garbage attitude. Also, if you solicit advice, take a minute to listen what’s offered to you and absorb it, it may come in handy later.

Well my question today is What Would Jenny Craig Do (WWJCD)?

My question today is when do people draw the line? Yes, having great self-confidence is always a good thing, BUT, when does it get to the point where you stop and think about your health and well being?

There’s a thin line between love & hate and also between thick & obese. It’s a common fact that overweight and obesity in the U.S. occur at higher rates within the African-American & Hispanic communities. Heart disease and diabetes should not be a symbol of pride. Both of those diseases play culprit in the deaths of minority men/women on a daily basis.

Obesity should not be a fashion statement. More often than not, it becomes a death sentence.

I remember growing up as a kid, I was always the ‘chubby’ one out of my siblings. Strangely enough, I was never ridiculed by classmates or friends, but more so my own family members. I was called every name you could think of and it did nothing for my self-esteem of course. Recently I was listening to Little Brother’s song, “Good Clothes”, and this verse definitely struck a chord: