2007 October | [fung'ke] [blak] [chik]™

What Can Brown Do For You?

Posted under: randomness

By “BROWN” I mean UPS.

And to answer my own question, absolutely fucking nothing! Especially if after a week, they can’t seem to find my house.

Here’s a recent convo:

Me: I’m tracking a package that was supposed to be delivered days ago.

UPS: Ma’am may I have your tracking number.

Me: Sure.

UPS: It seems as though we have the wrong address.

Me: (I repeat my address)

UPS: Yes, that’s the address we have, but it’s incorrect.

Me: Hmm, since I’ve been living here since Aug, I doubt that it’s incorrect and I see UPS drivers on this street all throughout the day.

UPS: Ma’ am is it a new street?

Me: No, it’s not a new street.

UPS: How long has the street been there?

Me: You can’t be serious? Considering my house is about 20 yrs old, I would suspect around 20 yrs!

UPS: Ok, hold please.

Me: Sure.

UPS: Ma’am it seems as though the driver got lost. But you can always come pick it up at our distribution center.

Me: Negative. I’m not travelling to your center b/c of a drivers lack of navigational skills. So I will expect to have a driver who’s well equipped with mapquest and my package within the next two days.

UPS: I understand ma’am, please hold. (holds for a few min.)

UPS: Ma’am what is your correct address?

Me: The ADDRESS YOU HAVE IN THE SYSTEM IS CORRECT!

UPS: Hold one second please. (holds for a few more min.)

UPS: You’ll have your package by Monday evening.

Me: Thank you (hangs up)

Today is Monday. I went to check my mail earlier this afternoon. Low & behold, there’s a postcard from UPS that was sent on Saturday stating that they could not deliver my package because of an ‘incorrect’ address. Now, why the hell would they send a postcard to the WRONG address????

As of 4:15 pm, I’m still waiting for my package.

Damn, where’s Fed Ex when you need them!!

Something New

Posted under: men, women

As I’m laying here recouperating from my weekend, a friend of mine who I went to college with popped up on my Yahoo Messenger. After she left to attend Law school in Houston a few years ago, IM’ing has been our main form of communication along with our visits to New Jersey on holidays. This morning Sandra mentions that her & her husband went to a comedy club last night and saw “Screech” from Saved By The Bell. She said he was pretty funny but really raunchy. I also told her that I saw him sex tape and he’s definitely a well-endowed man, needless to say, she felt that was TMI. The next bit of information she told me broke my heart, just a little. During his routine “Screech” made reference to “Zack” aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar, in regards to him being gay! I guess nothing should shock me when I hear news like that, but YOU don’t understand.

I had the biggest crush on “Zack”! I can honestly say he was my first white boy crush. I had every Teen Beat/Tiger Beat photo I could possibly find of him. Every Saturday, I was glued to the screen just to watch him. I also hoped year after year, him and “Lisa Turtle” aka Lark Voorhies would hook up so that could solidify in my mind there were actual interracial relationships on television. Eventually, “Zack” and “Lisa” eventually shared a short lived relationship, but quicky ended it b/c they thought they’d be better ‘friends’. I always wondered how many letters of outraged the network received in response to their ‘relationship’ for it to have ended so quickly.

In any event, during my sophmore year of highschool, I found my own “Zack”! I remember the day clearly. I was walking down the hall way and here is this 6′1, blond hair, green eyed, guy with a football jersey on walking towards me down the hallway. He stopped directly in front of me and congratulated me because he saw my cable show on television the night before (I produced/anchored our community/highschool news show). I think that was the first time I’d ever became speechless.

Frank was the typical ‘All American” boy. Star Quarterback , excellent student, popular, and beautiful! After that first encounter we became alot more friendlier towards each other in the months to follow. I interviewed him a couple of times for our news show and we also shared a few classes together. By the end of our sophmore year, we were a ‘couple’.

When I say “couple” we were the “IT” couple. In a school of 4000+ students, everyone knew Frank & “Funkyblackchick”. Star football player with the local tv personality and a track athlete. We shared lockers for 2 yrs, all of the same classes..etc..etc…he was a huge support to me during the majority of my highschool years.

Senior year came quickly and by the end of our senior year, we realized that even though we would be a few exits away on the NJ Turnpike from each other (He was attending Princeton and I was at Rutgers) that it would be best if we just remained friends. Till this day I’m in constant contact with Frank. He went on to become a star player and Princeton and now he’s an Art History Teacher and minister in the Princeton area. He also recently got married (to a black woman), so I guess the saying is true for him, once you go black, you never go back.

How did/does this relationship play an impact on my present life? Well, I’m pretty much an Equal Opportunity Dater. Some people who know me, like to joke around and say that I prefer white men, but that’s not the case at all. I just don’t feel the need to be obligated to only dating black men. I like variety and if that comes in the form of another “Zack”, then so be it!

What are your views on interracial dating? Do you still think there is a stigma tied to it, depending on the area/location where you live?

Communicable Diseases

Posted under: men, relationships, women

com·mu·ni·ca·ble

(k?-my??’n?-k?-b?l) Pronunciation Keyadj.

Transmittable between persons or species; contagious: communicable diseases.
Readily communicated: communicable ideas.
Talkative.

Usually when you read about ‘communicable disease’ it’s in regards to exactly what it states, ‘diseases’. But I think it reaches even farther than that.

In my opinion, I believe miscommunication is a “communicable disease”, especially in relationships/friendships/fuckerships/ whatever the situation that causes a need for COMMUNICATION. Miscommunication between men and women is a well known fact. So you’ll always have a battle of the sexes on who communicates better, men vs. women.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that women communicate better than men or vice versa, but I will say the lack of proper communication is what can definitely kill any type of relationship.

Communication should not consist of vague-ity, devauling a person’s question, lies/half-truths/omission of information..etc..etc. I remember someone telling me recently ,”Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to”…If questions are asked, they’re asked for a reason. To devalue a question is not a form of communication.

I think that emotional intelligence and maturity plays a huge role in effective communication. Emotional intelligence isn’t always synonymous with age though. I know 8 yr old kids who communicate better than some grown women and men. If you look at the interactions with kids, they’re no holds barred when it comes to how they communicate their feelings. They say what they have to say.

Once people rid themselves of the communicable disease of miscommunication, maybe more relationships, no matter what type they are, will thrive and grow.

What’s your approach in communication? Do you feel women are better communicators than men?

The Women Who Hate Women Club™

Posted under: women

A while back my cousin and I were having a discussion about why we don’t have to many female friends, outside of our own friendship and the other handful of women that we associate with. We were joking around and said that we should start a club aptly named, “The Women Who Hate Women Club™”. Typically, misogyny is a term thrown around in reference to men who hate women. I don’t think there is a term out there to describe the fact that there are women who hate women as well (if there is, please let me know).

Now, let me first say, that I don’t hate ‘all’ women and maybe HATE is a strong word. I just have a strong distaste for certain personality traits that ALOT of women have, even some that I may have possessed way back when!

Typically, I surround myself with women who are independent, low-maintenance, eclectic, educated and grounded. Their topics of discussion won’t be that new pair of Manolo’s they bought from Saks or who’s man they’re trying to flirt with or sleep with knowing that he’s already taken. I love being around women who don’t fit the status quo and aren’t afraid to try new things or are worried about breaking a nail or sweating out their perms. They don’t have to put on airs about who they are and what they stand for. They wouldn’t dare infringe or cross the line when it comes respect, be it themselves or their other female friends. There’s no hidden agenda, WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get).

I think alot of women have genetically flawed personalities and they don’t even realize it. They can’t help being the conniving, superficial, materialistic, victimized, backstabbing bitches that the world has painted women to be. Chances are, their mother, grandmother, aunts were/are the same way, so they really wouldn’t know any better. Some women have no sense of self. They don’t know if they’re coming or going half the time. They feel the need to become whatever is ‘in style’ at the time. They have no clue as to what they want out of life, they’d prefer someone to show them what they should have or be able to give it to them. Some feel that they’re entitled to certain things without having to put in the hard work. God forbid these type of women have children. You know the saying, stupid people have stupid kids, it’s sad but true.

In any event, the few female friends that I do have, have proved to be loyal and have withstood the test of time, growth, distance & life changes. Recently I have came across a few females who are definitely cool people and have reconnected with a few from my past. Maybe one day my cousin and I will not need a club called, “The Women Who Hate Women Club™”, in the words of Rodney King, “…can’t we all just get along”…LMAO! Great concept, but I don’t see it happening!

You’ll never escape the stupid girls, who grew up to be stupid women..

But….If you’re lucky, you’ll have a circle of female friends, who’ll always have your back!