This morning as I’m driving into work I heard two commercials that had me cracking up, I was almost in tears! First, it was a commercial for CHIA PET! You know, chi-chi-chi-chia pet, the pottery that grows!

As a kid, there wasn’t anything that I didn’t want, as much as I wanted a chia pet! I remember every time I was at CVS with my mother, I would always find the aisle with the Chia Pets. I would always beg for a Chia Pet, but never got one. I think today I”m going to head out to CVS and see if they still have them! I’m going to water it & watch it grow (that’s if I don’t kill it first..never said I had a green thumb!)

A few minutes after the Chia Pet commercial, there’s a commercial for a product called Maxiderm. A bunch of men are speaking about this life changing event and how they feel more ‘manly’. So I’m like, OK…what the hell are they talking about. A few more seconds into the commercial, you hear the voice say, “To add inches to your penis….try this patch”…I almost choked! Here it is, at 7:30 am on a nationally syndicated radio show, they’re advertising Penis Patches! I guess it shouldn’t have came as a shock, being that this same station also advertises a bogus credit repair service. Ironically, this particular station is targeted to the Urban audience, i.e., black people. I’m not sure how many black men will admit that they would need a penis patch!

(”They allll look like they gots blue balls”, says Philana)

(”Notice all the patch pictures are of white men”, says Makayla)

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My mind wanders A LOT and when that happens, you never know what I’m bound to do. Earlier this morning I was chatting with Belladonna , and I’m not even sure how, but the subject of strap-ons came up. Considering that I that I prefer my men on the masculine side, I always wondered, what type of man would let a woman use a strap-on, on him?!?!?

I know about stimulating a man’s prostate and such, but that’s usually a delicate topic and you definitely have to know what your partner likes, or if he’ll either enjoy it or will get offended at the mere idea of you even attempting to explore that region.

Strap-ons? That’s a whole’nother ball game! I mean seriously, if you’re not gay or bi, I’m not sure what STRAIGHT man would let a woman take him from the back? So, this was bugging me for quite sometime this morning. So I decided to post on Craigslist an add referencing the fact that here was a woman looking for a man that enjoys strap-ons, being used ON HIM.

I posted the ad at around 9:50 am and by 10:20 am, I think I received about 26 emails and not to mention these men included photos! It freaking amazed me how open or freak-a-fied some people are. I had people emailing from their WORK email, sending photos with them posing with their children, it was crazy! Men telling me how, they’re not gay, but do love it when they’re ‘taken’ by a woman! According to my friend, Judy, it sounds like a great way to emasculate men!Women, if your male partner asked you to wear a strap-on, would you?

Men, in your opinion is that a ‘homo’ thing for a man to do? Or is everything open (pun intended) for discussion?

Here are a few of the emails I received:

I LOVE them

From: xxxxxxx (xxxxxx@gmail.com) You may not know this sender. Mark as safe Mark as unsafe Sent:Tue 9/18/07 9:54 AM

To: pers-425435048@craigslist.org

But haven’t found a woman in DC that’s been willing to indulge me… I’ve had girlfriends in the past that we both really enjoyed it. The first time it came up was was as a “trade” and I discovered I liked it so much that I just wanted her to peg me. The strongest orgasm I’ve ever had in my life was as a woman used a strapon and stroked me at the same time… I’m an attractive white guy- 6′3″, 190, in good shape with brown hair and blue eyes. When / where were you hoping to do this? Are you looking for a one time thing or a (hopefully) ongoing situation?

hello Ma’am

From: xxxxx@aol.com

You may not know this sender. Mark as safe Mark as unsafe Sent:Tue 9/18/07 10:12 AM

To: pers-425435048@craigslist.org

divorced wm 6′2 190 40 athletic educated cultured and love dominant women w/ a strapon

That man, had the nerve to send a photo with a child sitting on his lap!!!!

Do you like strap-ons? - 31 From: **********@******.gov

You may not know this sender. Mark as safe Mark as unsafe Sent:Tue 9/18/07 10:22 AM Reply-to:**************

To: pers-425435048@craigslist.org

Normally I just browse through CL looking and laughing (especially rants and raves) but your post caught my eye and I thought I would answer it. I’m 29 and I live in Arlington. I’m educated (physics and chemistry degrees) and I work for the Government doing analytical “stuff”. I speak several languages and have travelled all over the world for work. I’m outdoorsy and I climb, cave, ski, hike, bike (mtn and road) and kayak. I’m also an emt (it helps since I’m accident prone on my bike). Despite my crazy schedule I love to cook, read, and I do yoga several times a week. Since I’m on a blackberry I don’t have any pictures stored but if you like I can send some tonight. Have a great day! And yes I love being fucked with a strapon. Tied up. Gagged

Remember, ‘men’, don’t forget to breathe!

Strappy Valentines Day!

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Remember the school yard saying, “Liar, liar, pants on fire”? If only that saying actually worked. I’d love to see a few people burning in the britches from something besides an STD. Forget about dousing the lies out with truth, some people deserve to get burned because of their lies.

I tend to think men are genetically inclined not to be able to lie straight. Their actions always predict their lying. They just can’t do it with a straight face, what’s up with that? Their actions always speak louder than their lies, which tends to be a dead give-away. It seems to me that men intentionally lie just to get caught, being that they can never cover their bases. They try to implicate others and don’t even bothering telling the implicated party.

So you’re a man reading this right now, and of course you’re going to think I’m “man bashing”, but that’s not the case here.

We all LIE. Men & women lie, but guess what?

WOMEN do it better! Point blank, no questions asked.

Men lie about dumb shit. You lie for no reason other than your lips move faster than your brain. If you took a minute to think about the lie you’re about to tell, you’ll realize it’s not even worth it.

Women, formulate lies. They contemplate them, they think of the ramifications, they have their bases covered. If they’re going to implicate someone in their lies, they make sure they’ve told that person and that they can keep the story straight.

Men, it’s not that hard! If you’re going to lie, lie about something important. Don’t lie just because you think you’re protecting someones feelings or because you think the lies sound better than the truth.

Remember, if the truth can’t set you free, you better be a good liar!

You Are a Great Liar

You can pretty much pull anything over on anyone. You are an expert liar, even if you don’t lie very often.

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Not for nothing, but this week as been filled with procrastination for me. I think I made it into the office 2xs this week, so I figured why break the cycle? Today, I’m going to spend it shopping and running errands with my little sister , because today is her birthday!

Twenty six years ago my parents brought home this crying baby, all I could think was, ‘damn, another one’. I already gave up my hopes on being the only child after my first sister was born (LOL!). During her teen years, she proclaimed herself to be “The Baddest Bitch”, and that attitude as stuck with her ever since. People dare not to cross her, or they’ll have to feel her wrath. I remember as kids, when my mother would leave the house, it would be Battle Rumble between my two sisters and I. Fight after fight after fight, and we dared one another to say anything to our mother. My poor little brother would just look at us like we were crazy. Whatever weapon we could get our hands on, it was no holds barred. Broomsticks. Sticks. Bats. Shoes. Curtain Rods. You name it, we used. Till this day, we still get a laugh out of our fights and arguments. I guess that happens when you have so many hormones flowing through one house!

One saying I had growing up was that I didn’t give a “FLYING FUCK”. If someone shared a different opinion, it was always me saying, “I don’t give a flying fuck”. I definitely had somewhat of a trash mouth, but I never brought it home, b/c I knew what the consequences were.

In honor of Friday, I’m proclaiming it today on my blog, “Flying Fuck Fridays”! There are a few things going on in the world/life/etc..etc..that I could give a “FLYING FUCK” about, and I’m sure there are a few people out there who feel the same. So feel free to get your “FLYING FUCKS” off your chest!

Here are a few of mine:

• I don’t give a FLYING FUCK about Mike Vick, those people who are out there all up in arms over Mike Vick, let me see you giving as much attention on Sept. 20, when the JENA 6 March occurs!

• I don’t give a FLYING FUCK about some missing little white kid in Portugal, when there was a local BLACK college student who went missing in my area, and there were only 2 news reports about HIM. Days after he went missing they finally reported it, then a proper search by the County Police WASN”T done, because if it was, he would have been found in the ditch were a random person driving down the highway found him!

• Britney, Britney, Britney! I don’t give a FLYING FUCK about her & her issues or her funny looking kids! It’s always the people who have the most resources who are ‘eff’d up in the head!

Lastly,

• I don’t give a FLYING FUCK about football! LMAO!

Happy Flying Fuck Fridays!

I can’t believe Summer is almost over. I don’t know where the time has went! To think, a few months ago, it was just Spring. Fall is actually my favorite time of the year. I love to see the trees change colors, the air is crisp and it gives me an opportunity to break out the sweaters & boots! BTW, if anyone is feeling generous I prefer my heels to be at least 3 inches, black with a high shaft!

This weekend flew by pretty fast. I spent most of my time with the one person who probably knows me better than most, although I would never admit it to him (yeah, I know you’re reading this, so hush). We ventured out to see En Vogue perform at the Black Family Reunion , that’s held yearly on the Washington Mall. Although the sun was beaming hard, I managed not to pass out..LMAO! En Vogue is definitely my all time favorite female group, but he did make the observation that R&B acts would sound better if they performed with a band, instead of a DJ. I also learned that Dorothy Height, the Chair and President Emerita of the National Council of Negro Women , and former President of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. is one long winded lady. I’ve never had a chance to hear her speak before, so it was definitely quite funny to hear her go on & on & on!

Football season is upon us. All I can say is, BLAH! I fell asleep during a game on Saturday night, and for some reason (well I actually know the reason) the only joy football provides for me is the spectacular view of some tight ends in spandex! Other than that, football generally gets a thumbs down from me. When people ask me what my favorite sport is, they look at me strange when I tell them figure skating! Yeah, my double axel is a beast!

Sunday, was SUPPOSED to be my day of rest before I returned back to work, but unfortunately it didn’t’ pan out that way. I spent most of the afternoon slaving over two grills. People in my family are picky when it comes to how their food is cook. Typically, I prefer to use my gas grill but special requests were sent out for the charcoal grill. So yesterday was the first and probably last time my grills will see any action this year. I think I out did myself with the ribs, the meat just fell off the bone..YUM! The burgers were just OK, only b/c I used the frozen patties, which is something I normally don’t do, but I was in a crunch for time. The big hit was the chicken breast and homemade cheddar & garlic biscuits, Red Lobster doesn’t even come close to mine!

In any event, tomorrow I return back to work after being out for the past week. I’m definitely not looking forward to it, but thank god for Jewish holidays, b/c Thursday, I’m off again!

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Did anyone else happen to catch the train wreck of an award show on MTV? I swear I wish I could sue for the two hours I wasted!

Poor, poor Britney, CRASH & BURN is all I can say!

Chris Brown? Please, give Michael Jackson his act back…

Kanye vs 50, I’m not giving either one of you my $11.00, I’ve had both of your CDs for weeks now!

Lil Mama, uh, your lip-gloss may be popping, but who’s your stylist, they need to be popped upside their head!!

Timberland, next time you invest in lipo suction, make sure they remove the pack of franks on the back of your head!

Since when is Belly-shirts on men sexy?

Is it me or does Neyo do the ‘gay’ face a little too well?

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I’m glad I’m not the only one with a wonky eye!

Ok Mary, we know you don’t have ‘No More Drama’, but how about “NO MORE PLATINUM WIGS”?

Hey! It’s Amy Winehouse before the drugs…oops, nope…I guess all white people do look the same (JUST JOKES)

It’s the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz!

She must have bought those breasts with her child support check!

If a male OOOMPA LOOMPA and a female EWOK had sex and made a baby, he would be the result!

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my friend Philana and some how it turned into a conversation about hair routines. She had mentioned earlier in a blog comment that her hair was thinning, which I told her was probably due to stress. Our conversation ventured into my hair routine and the products I mainly use. I guess you can say that I’m a hair product connoisseur because I think I’ve tried almost every damn product under the sun.

Every time I visit a beauty supply store, there’s always some new hair growth gimmick product. Which always boasts some sort of miracle cure that will give you long flowing locks. Most of these ‘growth’ products are full of it. A while ago, while doing some research I came across a hair care group on Yahoo. All of the women were singing the praises of a product called Original Mane-Tale-Groom. They bragged about how quickly they noticed growth and thickening of their hair. At first I figured it was just talk and that the product was probably some cheap beauty supply store product, but upon further investigation of Original Mane-Tale-Groom , I learned that it’s primary use is for horse grooming! After learning that, I was definitely more hesitant to try it. I didn’t necessarily have a hair growth problem, I just wanted to see if all of the talk about this product was true.

A few days later, after I ordered the product, it arrived. The first thing I noticed was the horrid smell! It smells like burned bacon and sulfur. There was no way I was applying this oil to my hair. I went back to the forum and saw that the women mixed it with Peppermint oil that they purchased from the natural market. What I found amazing, is the fact that the Peppermint oil was $15 for 0.2 ounces and the MTG product was only $6!

After I mixed my concoction, it definitely took away the smell. I used the product for a few weeks, but before I started using it, I made sure I applied it to my hair while it was straight, so that I could better gage the growth. After about two weeks I noticed my hair grew about an inch! It did make sense. Being that its used primarily on horses to keep their manes strong and healthy, why wouldn’t’ it work on human hair?

So after many trial and error experiments to come up with the perfect concoction for something that will provide growth and moisture to my hair, here is what I came up with:

Supplies needed:

Original Mane-Tale-Groom

An empty hair dye bottle

Olive Oil (to provide moisture..any grocery store brand will do)

Peppermint Oil (to get rid of the stench!)

1. Pour 5 ounces of Mane-Tale-Groom in the the dye bottle
2. Mix 3 ounces of Olive Oil
3. Add between 3-4 drops of Peppermint Oil (try gage the smell, you don’t want to walk around smelling like menthol)
4. Shake the bottle well until it forms a uniform mixture
5. Apply sparingly to your scalp (a little goes a long way)

Typically I did this routine about 3 nights out of the week, followed with a weekly wash and condition. By the way, if you’re a curly head, I’ve found this leave-in conditioner to work best!

I’m in no way saying this will work for everyone, but so far I’ve had pretty good luck with it and so have others that I know.